Aging Gracefully

Aging gracefully

"$5.37." That's what the kid behind the counter at Taco Bueno said to me. I dug into my pocket and pulled out some lint and two dimes and something that used to be a Jolly Rancher. Having already handed the kid a five-spot, I started to head back out to the truck to grab some change when the kid with the Emo hairdo said the harshest thing anyone has ever said to me. He said, "It's OK. I'll just give you the senior citizen discount."

I turned to see who he was talking to and then heard the sound of change hitting the counter in front of me. "Only $4.68" he said cheerfully. I stood there stupefied. I am 66, not even 70 yet?" a mere child! Senior citizen? Isn't 70 the new 50? Geeze!

I took my burrito and walked out to the truck wondering what was wrong with Emo. Was he blind? As I sat in the truck, my blood began to boil. Old? Me?

I'll show him, I thought. I opened the door and headed back inside. I strode to the counter, and there he was waiting with a smile.

Before I could say a word, he held up something and jingled it in front of me, like I could be that easily distracted! What am I now? A toddler?
"Dude! Can't get too far without your car keys, eh?" I stared with utter disdain at the keys. I began to rationalize in my mind. "Leaving keys behind hardly makes a man elderly! It could happen to anyone!"

I turned and headed back to the truck. I slipped the key into the ignition, but it wouldn't turn. What now? I checked my keys and tried another. Still nothing. That's when I noticed the purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror. I had no purple beads hanging from my rearview mirror.

Then, a few other objects came into focus. The car seat in the back seat. Happy Meal toys spread all over the floorboard. A partially eaten doughnut on the dashboard.

Faster than you can say ginkgo biloba, I flew out of the alien vehicle. Moments later I was speeding out of the parking lot, relieved to finally be leaving this nightmarish stop in my life. That is when I felt it, deep in the bowels of my stomach: hunger! My stomach growled and churned, and I reached to grab my burrito, only it was nowhere to be found.

I swung the truck around, gathered my courage, and strode back into the restaurant one final time. There Emo stood, draped in youth and black nail polish. All I could think was, "What is the world coming to?" All I could say was, "Did I leave my food and drink in here?" At this point I was ready to ask a Boy Scout to help me back to my vehicle, and then go straight home and apply for Social Security benefits.

Emo had no clue. I walked back out to the truck, and suddenly a young lad came up and tugged on my jeans to get my attention. He was holding up a drink and a bag. His mother explained, "I think you left this in my truck by mistake." I took the food and drink from the little boy and sheepishly apologized.

She offered these kind words: "It's OK. My grandfather does stuff like this all the time."

All of this is to explain how I got a ticket doing 85 in a 40. Yes, I was racing some punk kid in a Toyota Prius.. And no, I told the officer, I'm not too old to be driving this fast.

As I walked in the front door, my wife met me halfway down the hall. I handed her a bag of cold food and a $300 speeding ticket. I promptly sat in my rocking chair and covered up my legs with a blanky (or was it a Snuggles).

The good news was I had successfully found my way home.


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Charlie Brown Remembered

Our very good friend, Charlie Brown, passed away Sunday a week ago. You can read all about it on his Caring Bridge Journal and Back story. The memorial service itself was just this past Saturday in Charlotte. His daughter, Charlotte, had asked me to do the eulogy, so I thought I'd present a synopsis of my eulogy here - as an FYI.

I started with a quote: "God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being
spilled." ~Author Unknown

"The Power of Positive Pessimism" by Charlie Brown.
He was a published author. Not many can say that.
Many read it - a lot identified with it - some even saw them selves in it.

I first met Charlie Brown in Charlotte, at Tree Top, 1974. At that time, he was known as the candy man. We did rafting trips (Chattooga twice), mountain trips, road rallies, pig pickings, and beach trips. We also partied - a lot.

He was instrumental in my connecting with Sally and Susan - I knew CB, Sally/Susan knew CB,
but never all together. The Sunday after I had originally met Sally at the beach, we all had planned to gather at a place called Mancino's, a local watering hole. Having met only Sally, and not Susan, and knowing they were twins, I asked CB how to tell which from which. CB said to look for the one with the biggest smile.

2. He was a sailor, 2 years Navy, knew how to sail (Hobie, single masted), and captain a power boat (single screw, double screw) - owned Snoopy, cabin cruiser.

3. He loved to dance:
- Shag
- Disco
- If you watched him, never knew which was which
- C & W two step, learned in Dallas.

4. Talented Amateur photographer
- Wildlife Photos framed in his house
- Raft Up pictures from the Lake Norman 2003 - 04 raft up gatherings.
- Alaskan Cruise scenic pictures taken on our Alaskan Cruise in 2007.

5. Conservative politically - (I leaned to the right to make my point)
- He could out Rush Limbaugh
- Loved to discuss politics
- Used history and facts
- Could go on forever

6. Renaissance Man
- He built his own house as the general contractor.
- Loved good wine, good food, single malt scotch. and a good Cohiba.
- Man of all Seasons (beach in the winter, mountains in the summer)

7. History buff
- especially the SC Coast and Myrtle Beach and Conway.
- Civil War
- knew a lot about this and that, broad range of history.

8. Widely Read
- From Clive Cussler to Bruce Catton to Joel Osteen and Billy Graham, and his Bible.
- Could recite the Charge of the Light Brigade in its entirety from memory.
- Would read 3 - 4 books at a time.
- Loved to go back and re-read older books

9. C.B. was Gentleman and a Gentle Man
- Ladies Man (?) -I thought not. Lots of his really good friends were women.

10. Spiritual - basic faith that comes from the heart & soul.

11. At that point I brought a cigar and waved it at the congregation saying - here's how Charlie would have celebrated. After all, he considered cigar smoking the "Last bastion of Male Chauvinism."

He was was my friend, and sometimes mentor. He will be greatly missed.

CB's is Really Getting OLD!

WOW - that's cruel - but true. Actually 71 these days ain't all that old. It just makes getting around a little harder. And unfortunately, CB's in the hospital right now - so read all about it at his Caring Bridge Site so you can get the whole picture.

Sally, Susan, and I just got back from visiting him, and we had to readmit him to the hospital Friday night for extreme bloating caused by, of all things, his pain meds. So he's back in for a few days until they can get several things corrected.

Stay in touch with Charlie's progress by registering yourself with Caring Bridge. You'll receive email updates whenever he updates his Caring Bridge journal.

25 THINGS ABOUT TO BECOME EXTINCT IN AMERICA

This is a bit different - but I thought rather noteworthy.
My thanks to friend Norman for passing this along to me.

25 THINGS ABOUT TO BECOME EXTINCT IN AMERICA

25. U.S. Post Office
They are pricing themselves out of existence. With e-mail, and
and on-line services they are a relic of the past. (refer to #9)
Packages are also sent faster and cheaper with UPS.


24. Yellow Pages
This year will be pivotal for the global Yellow Pages industry.
Much like newspapers, print Yellow Pages will continue to bleed
dollars to their various digital counterparts, from Internet
Yellow Pages (IYPs), to local search engines and combination
search/listing services like Reach Local and Yodel Factors like20an
acceleration of the print 'fade rate' and the looming recession
will contribute to the onslaught. One research firm predicts the
falloff in usage of newspapers and print Yellow Pages could even
reach 10% this year -- much higher than the 2%-3% fade rate seen
in past years.
(Note: buildng mon-n-pop websites for local businesses is one of the fastest
growing internet related activities today. And not just websites, but related
services as well, like SEO, affiliate based hosting recommendations, etc.)


23. Classified Ads
The Internet has made so many things obsolete that newspaper
classified ads might sound like just another trivial item on a
long list. But this is one of those harbingers of the future that
could signal the end of civilization as we know it. The argument
is that if newspaper classifies are replaced by free on-line
listings at sites like Craigslist.org and Google Base, then
newspapers are not far behind them..


22. Movie Rental Stores
While Netflix is looking up at the moment, Blockbuster keeps
closing store locations by the hundreds. It still has about 6,000
left across the world, but those keep dwindling and the stock is
down considerably in 2008, especially since the company gave up a
quest of Circuit City . Movie Gallery, which owned the Hollywood
Video brand, closed up shop earlier this year. Countless small
video chains and mom-and-pop stores have given up the ghost
already.


21. Dial-up Internet Access
Dial-up connections have fallen from 40% in 2001 to 10% in 2008.
The combination of an infrastructure to accommodate affordable
high speed Internet connections and the disappearing home phone
have all but pounded the final nail in the coffin of dial-up
Internet access.


20. Phone Land Lines
According to a survey from the National Center for Health
Statistics, at the end of 2007, nearly one in six homes was
cell-only and, of those homes that had land lines, one in eight
only received calls on their cells.


19. Chesapeake Bay Blue Crabs
Maryland 's icon, the blue crab, has been fading away in Chesapeake
Bay Last year Maryland saw the lowest harvest (22 million pounds)
since 1945. Just four decades ago the bay produced 96 million
pounds. The population is down 70% since 1990, when they first did
a formal count. There are only about 120 million crabs in the bay
and they think they need 200 million for a sustainable population.
Over-fishing, pollution, invasive species and global warming get
the blame.


18. VCRs
For the better part of three decades, the VCR was a best-seller
and staple in every American household until being completely
decimated by the DVD, and now the Digital Video Recorder (DVR). In
fact, the only remnants of the VHS age at your local Wal-Mart or
Radio Shack are blank VHS tapes these days. Pre-recorded VHS tapes
are largely gone and VHS decks are practically nowhere to be
found. They served us so well.


17. Ash Trees
In the late 1990's, a pretty, iridescent green species of beetle,
now known as the emerald ash borer, hitched a ride to North
America with ash wood products imported from eastern Asia . In less
than a decade, its larvae have killed millions of trees in the
Midwest , and continue to spread. They've killed more than 30
million ash trees in southeastern Michigan alone, with tens of
millions more lost in Ohio and Indiana . More than 7.5 billion ash
trees are currently at risk.


16. Ham Radio
Amateur radio operators enjoy personal (and often worldwide)
wireless communications with each other and are able to support
their communities with emergency and disaster communications if
necessary, while increasing their personal knowledge of
electronics and radio theory.. However, proliferation of the
Internet and its popularity among youth has caused the decline of
amateur radio. In the past five years alone, the number of people
holding active ham radio licenses has dropped by 50,000, even
though Morse Code is no longer a requirement.


15 The Swimming Hole
Thanks to our litigious society, swimming holes are becoming a
thing of the past. '20/20' reports that swimming hole owners, like
Robert Every in High Falls, NY, are shutting them down out of
worry that if someone gets hurt they'll sue. And that's exactly
what happened in Seattle . The city of Bellingham was sued by Katie
Hofstetter who was paralyzed in a fall at a popular swimming hole
in Whatcom Falls Park . As injuries occur and lawsuits follow,
expect more swimming holes to post 'Keep out!' signs.


14. Answering Machines
The increasing disappearance of answering machines is directly
tied to No 20 our list -- the decline of landlines. According to
USA Today, the number of homes that only use cell phones jumped
159% between 2004 and 2007. It has been particularly bad in New
York ; since 2000, landline usage has dropped 55%. It's logical
that as cell phones rise, many of them replacing traditional
landlines, that there will be fewer answering machines.


13. Cameras That Use Film
It doesn't require a statistician to prove the rapid disappearance
of the film camera in America . Just look to companies like Nikon,
the professional's choice for quality camera equipment. In 2006,
it announced that it would stop making film cameras, pointing to
the shrinking market -- only 3% of its sales in 2005, compared to
75% of sales from digital cameras and equipment.


12. Incandescent Bulbs
Before a few years ago, the standard 60-watt (or, yikes, 100-watt)
bulb was the mainstay of every U.S. home. With the green movement
and all-things-sustainable-energy crowd, the Compact Fluorescent
Lightbulb (CFL) is largely replacing the older, Edison-era
incandescent bulb. The EPA reports that 2007 sales for Energy Star
CFLs nearly doubled from 2006, and these sales accounted for
approximately 20 percent of the U.S. light bulb market. And
according to USA Today, a new energy bill plans to phase out
incandescent bulbs in the next four to 12 years.


11. Stand-Alone Bowling Alleys
Bowling Balls.. US claims there are still 60 million Americans who
bowl at least once a year, but many are not bowling in stand-alone
bowling alleys. Today most new bowling alleys are part of
facilities for all types or recreation including laser tag,
go-karts, bumper cars, video game arcades, climbing walls and glow
miniature golf. Bowling lanes also have been added to many
non-traditional venues such as adult communities, hotels and
resorts, and gambling casinos.


10. The Milkman
According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, in 1950, over
half of the milk delivered was to the home in quart bottles, by
1963, it was about a third and by 2001, it represented only 0.4%
percent. Nowadays most milk is sold through supermarkets in gallon
jugs. The steady decline in home-delivered milk is blamed, of
course, on the rise of the supermarket, better home refrigeration
and longer-lasting milk. Although some milkmen still make the
rounds in pockets of the U.S. , they are certainly a dying breed.


9. Hand-Written Letters
In 2006, the Radicati Group estimated that, worldwide, 183 billion
e-mails were sent each day. Two million each second. By November
of 2007, an estimated 3.3 billion Earthlings owned cell phones,
and 80% of the world's population had access to cell phone
coverage. In 2004, half-a-trillion text messages were sent, and
the number has no doubt increased exponentially since then. So
where amongst this gorge of gabble is there room for the elegant,
polite hand-written letter?

8. Wild Horses
It is estimated that 100 years ago, as many as two million horses
were roaming free within the United States . In 2001, National
Geographic News estimated that the wild horse population has
decreased to about 50,000 head. Currently, the National Wild Horse
and Burro Advisory board states that there are 32,000 free roaming
horses in ten Western states, with half of them residing in
Nevada . The Bureau of Land Management is seeking to reduce the
total number of free range horses to 27,000, possibly by selective
euthanasia.


7. Personal Checks
According to an American Bankers Assoc. report, a net 23% of
consumers plan to decrease their use of checks over the next two
years, while a net 14% plan to increase their use of PIN debit.
Bill payment remains the last stronghold of paper-based
payments -- for the time being. Checks continue to be the most
commonly used bill payment method, with 71% of consumers paying at
least one recurring bill per month by writing a check. However,
a bill-by-bill basis, checks account for only 49% of consumers'
recurring bill payments (down from 72% in 2001 and 60% in 2003).


6. Drive-in Theaters
During the peak in 1958, there were more than 4,000 drive-in
theaters in this country, but in 2007 only 405 drive-ins were
still operating. Exactly zero new drive-ins have been built since
2005. Only one reopened in 2005 and five reopened in 2006, so
there isn't much of a movement toward reviving the closed ones.


5. Mumps & Measles
Despite what's been in the news lately, the measles and mumps
actually, truly are disappearing from the United States . In 1964,
212,000 cases of mumps were reported in the U.S. By 1983, this
figure had dropped to 3,000, thanks to a vigorous vaccination
program. Prior to the introduction of the measles vaccine,
approximately half a million cases of measles were reported in the
U.S. annually, resulting in 450 deaths. In 2005, only 66 cases
were recorded.


4. Honey Bees
Perhaps nothing on our list of disappearing America is so dire;
plummeting so enormously; and so necessary to the survival of our
food supply as the honey bee. Very scary. 'Colony Collapse
Disorder,' or CCD, has spread throughout the U.S. and Europe over
the past few years, wiping out 50% to 90% of the colonies of many
beekeepers -- and along with it, their livelihood.


3. News Magazines and TV News
While the TV evening newscasts haven't gone anywhere over the last
several decades, their audiences have. In 1984, in a story about
the diminishing returns of the evening news, the New York Times
reported that all three network evening-news programs combined had
only 40.9 million viewers. Fast forward to 2008, and what they
have today is half that.


2 Analog TV (already bye-bye)
According to the Consumer Electronics Association, 85% of homes in
the U.S. get their television programming through cable or
satellite providers. For the remaining 15% -- or 13 million
individuals -- who are using rabbit ears or a large outdoor
antenna to get their local stations, change is in the air.. If you
are one of these people you'll need to get a new TV or a converter
box in order to get the new stations which will only be broadcast
in = 0 A digital.


1. The Family Farm
Since the 1930's, the number of family farms has been declining
rapidly. According to the USDA, 5.3 million farms dotted the
nation in 1950, but this number had declined to 2.1 million by the
2003 farm census (data from the 2007 census hasn't yet been
published). Ninety-one percent of the U.S. FARMS are small Family
Farms.

Both interesting and saddening, isn't it?